The Gift

£9.99 (signed copy!)

“A quick and easy read”; “inspirational”.
Amazon

We think that all the work within NLP etc is an absolute gift to be shared. We are so fortunate to hear stories from students, clients and friends of all the wonderful work that they are doing. It seemed rude to keep it all to ourselves so we wrote The Gift to share those stories. The first part of the book is about the successes of others and their stories with the second part showing you some fundamentals for yourself.
This book brings it to life and demonstrates how easy it is for you to replicate.

“What a gift a story is”
Diane MacInnes

The first part of the Gift is a collection of stories where people have used NLP and other different techniques for themselves and in working with other people.  Here’s an excerpt- one of the stories from one of our lovely students...

An elephant, a skinny latte and a bottle of red wine

“I suppose that I did the usual. I completed my practitioner course, and wanted to go out and change the world.  ‘Come and see me, I’ll stop you eating crisps/chocolate/bread etc.’ (delete as appropriate).

Then I calmed down a little and decided to practice on my son first. Six times tables. V>A>K

And he has never looked back.

Wow this stuff really works!

So……………..

I’m sitting under a beach brolly on holiday, and I start chatting to the woman next to me. The usual holiday stuff. This poor lady so wanted to join her husband when he went snorkelling but she always panicked.  She knew that she would, even though she told herself not to.

‘Y’know’ I said ‘the brain can’t process a negative’.  And we spent the next two hours discussing her life, her confidence and why everything went wrong.  It was really moving, the lady shed a few tears, and she held my hand.  She later told me that the same evening, she ‘skipped into the restaurant at dinner’.  The next day we chatted for a while (I should be charging, I thought.  Kirsty told me there had to be a value). At the end of the holiday she bought me a wooden elephant (not her fault, we were in Kenya there wasn’t much else available) and told me I’d changed her life.  I felt amazing.

Wow this stuff really works.

I’m back at work, and looking for ways to implement my new found skills.  I soon realise I shouldn’t be looking.  The opportunities to use this are around me every single second.  How do I build a better relationship? Influence others? Be a better communicator?

Easy.

I observe and I listen.  And I respect the other person’s model of the world.
I’m more tolerant and patient.  I work really well with my boss, I just draw him diagrams (he’s VERY visual).

And I’m enjoying working with people on their development.  I can see a real difference. Two people at work will swear that they only got their new jobs because of the work I did with them.  I’m busy changing focus, working through the keys to an achievable outcome, identifying goals, building confidence and even getting to do some ‘proper’ Time Line work (fantastic, so interesting!).  My reputation is building and at the moment I have seven people ‘on my books’. Soon I won’t have time to do my paid job!  And the really great thing is………….. I’m helping these people, good for them………………..  but it so makes me feel great too!  I’m also one wooden elephant, one bouquet of flowers, a skinny latte and one bottle of red wine better off.

Wow this stuff really works!”

Julie Evers

Leeds

The stories are from many different contexts and you will find application for business, personal and sport.

The reason for the stories is to show what you can do with the different techniques and to “bring NLP to life”. We are inundated with stories and we wanted to be able to share them with others as the results you can achieve with all these tools are vast and phenomenal...

Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  And today?  Today is a gift.  That's why we call it the present”.
Babatunde Olatunji

The second part of the book is now how to use these techniques for yourself. Lots of different techniques and tools for you to use and for you to recognise how your thoughts create what happen in your life.  There are only a few techniques here – seriously, in NLP world there are a massive amount of techniques and these are just the tip of the iceberg. Here’s an excerpt from part 2.....

What are you focusing on?

We have within our minds something called our Reticular Activating System. Ensure you are focusing on what you want; the search engine can be activated and will search through all the pages until it find a perfect match i.e. exactly what you don’t want or what you do want.

Our RAS is like a homing device; it goes out and finds items and resources that are important to you and your outcomes. Have you ever bought a new item of clothing and know and feel happy that it was ‘slightly obscure’ not everyone had one? Well, what happens when you buy it? Yes, you seem to see them everywhere. No matter where we look, there’s someone else wearing it!

Our RAS can also be affected by our beliefs. If we believe that we are just unlucky, nothing good ever happens to us, then we activate our RAS to make sure that that happens! Even if a good situation or circumstance came and slapped us on the face then we would still be closed to the possibility.

The L word

Even though our communication shows that 7% is through our language it is very important. Invariably we do not think about what comes out of our mouth, it’s unconscious.

We need to be able to use this unconscious communication consciously.
Language is also one of our filters and therefore will change what we view in the world. After I learnt about NLP, it never ceases to amaze me how we do actually communicate with each other - essentially, we all talk different languages!
On top of being predominantly visual, auditory or kinaesthetic, some of us like detail, some big picture. We make assumptions in people’s speech about what they say; there are many deletions, distortions and generalisations that take place sentence by sentence. We can use our language to eloquently tell a story and help loosen the client’s model of the world.

Here we are going to talk about the precision of language (until we get to Milton Model which is ambiguously precise!) and how to use our words consciously.

It’s not a negative thing!

Our brains cannot process a negative. No easy way to write that! Before we start this, just close your eyes and clear your mind, remove all thoughts from your mind and do not think about your bedroom, do not think about anything in your bedroom, no thought of your bedroom to be in your mind, now!

I know, you are thinking of your bedroom! It’s a two step process that happens in our minds. In order to not think of your bedroom, you have to think about your bedroom first and then wipe the image away.

So, think about the language we use on a daily basis. The first word we learn as a child? “No!”

“Don’t do that!”

“I do not want an argument with you”
= “I want to argue with you”

“I don’t want to argue about your appraisal”
=”I want to argue about your appraisal”

“Remember not to forget your keys! Don’t forget your keys!”
=”Forget your keys”

We need to learn to rephrase our language in the positive. Go on, give it a go!

I would try that but

How often do we use the words try or but? Both very important words; do we use them consciously?

Sttrreettccch

Find a pen or a pencil now. I want you to put it down next to you and really try and pick it up. Now I mean really try now. Did you pick it up? If you did, then you didn’t try! If you picked up the pen then you did the process, trying means that you didn’t. Trying implies not doing. When we hear peoples say “Well, I’ll try the exercise”, “I’m really going to try and go to the gym today” it invariably means that they won’t actually be doing it!

So, avoid trying, do!

The word “but” is very important when you are giving feedback. It is of paramount importance when giving feedback to avoid the word “but”.
E.g. “Your presentation was great, you covered off all the points required but your rapport with the group was poor”

The word “but” seems to negate everything that preceded it. It’s as if you didn’t say anything about it being a good presentation.
“Your presentation was great, you covered off all the points required and your rapport with the group wasn’t as good as it usually is, overall a great, visual and informative presentation”.

So, replace but with and. Makes a difference doesn’t it?

How or why?

Again, just one word however it makes an impact. We tend to avoid the word why when questioning problems as it can be confrontational at times and can also limit the choices. Instead, we ask “how?”

“How is that a problem?” will give you much more information than “why is that a problem?”

It’s a really simple read and totally dejargonises NLP and the other elements. So, it’s easy. And that’s the beauty about all of this, it’s easy...and sometimes that’s the hardest thing for people to understand...

Enjoy.